I’m never in a huge rush to write up anything. I’ve found my desire to write up about this past weekend even more minimized than usual and I’m not sure why that is. I had a fun weekend, I finally ran an ultra with a bunch of my friends present, the weather was stupendous and I had a decent run. I’m not sure why I have this strange feeling about the race, about running that kind of distance, and about what trail running and ultra-racing mean to me. I’ll try to summarize later, perhaps writing out my thoughts about the weekend will help me come together to some conclusion.
The weekend plan.
The Salomon Trail Running Festival at Pineland Farms is great for groups with tons of talent, enthusiasm, but who all run different distances. There are distances from 5k through 50 miles, offering everything in between. This was ideal for our club, since everyone can run a short race, and many people wanted to come and test themselves at a large race. We had over 10 members come up to race at Pineland farms! Since a large number of us were heading up, we thought it was work best to camp out Saturday after the shorter races, and then again on Sunday after the 25k and ultras. Camping is fun, large groups camping is fun, and the campsite was unbelievably conveniently located only 3 miles from the race. We made plans at Bradbury Mountain State Park. We all thought out tents and food. We planned for 3 dogs to hang out. It was all in all a good plan!
Saturday- Canicross 5k for Sky
On Saturday, Ruby and I hit the road early. Buck and Sky in tow, we were out the door by 6:30am heading up to New Gloucester, Maine. Sky and Ruby were racing Saturday and it was already unbearably hot out that early in the morning. The high was 91 degrees for the day, dangerously hot for runners and dogs. When we got to the race, I was nervous. Being a Canicross, the race was dog specific and there would be many dogs around. Sky is not a calm dog, and she is not great with all dogs. She is dominant and can be aggressive towards smaller dogs, but she listens well, and has been through professional training with me. I can handle her and call her off—but I’m not sure anyone else can have that kind of control over her. I know that she and I are bonded, how could we not be by now? I don’t worry when she is with me because I know her quirks and know what signs to look for and how to divert her when she gets that “Border Collie gaze” towards another animal (or is it the “Karelian Bear Dog gaze”?). However, it’s not that I don’t trust others with her, they just don’t have the same experience that I have with her or with handling a dog in general. Seth is a great guy, amazing runner, and really good with Sky. However, there are times he’s holding her and not seeing other people with dogs walk by or he’s not paying attention to her behavior enough and there are close calls. In the end, if there is a confrontation—my dog will likely “win” and in doing so, we would lose. It’s sad and scary to think about but given her history, it’s not out of the realm of possibility. That’s why I was worried.
So with 185 dogs registered for the Canicross, I was nervous. I had Seth and Sky walk around to get used to each other. I had Sky get soaked in water to cool off and tried to have her lie down in the shade. She was stressed. There was so much activity and she was with a large group of some familiar some unfamiliar faces. When it was time to line up in the start chute, we had a plan. Sky and Seth would try to get towards the beginning for a couple of reasons. (1) Sky ball is a rocket, an excited, strong, powerful rocket and she wants to be in front and will fight to be in front. (2) I would be able to stand near her just outside the chute and try to calm her down in close proximity to other dogs… many of whom have owners who let their dogs go up to everyone and everything without thinking that maybe it’s not a good idea to approach. And (3) Seth and Sky want to win. So get to the front. In the chute, Sky was fine. She sat quietly, confused probably. There was a border collie milling about next to us and Sky paid her no mind. Then.. the bell went off and she and Seth were gone.
It was HOT. I didn’t know how she would do, I advised Seth to let her dictate the pace, but encourage her to drink some at the water stop. I warned him not to let her gulp everything because of bloat but just drink a little.
Less than 23 minutes later we see Pete and his pup Stella cross the finish! I lost my bet with him I suppose, so I owe him a beer but good for them–strong race! Stella is a beautiful poodle and ran a happy race. Not even a minute later I see Seth and Sky happily prance across the finish. They finished 13th overall with 23:29, good enough to be Sky’s 5k PR.. AND SHE POOPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RACE. I love this Poopgirl so much, finishing well and taking a shit in the middle. Seth and Sky were good for an age group award as well! As soon as she finished we hosed her down and got her to the shade. It was dangerously hot out, we even saw some dogs finish and immediately get treated with IV for heat.
Ruby, Wendy, and Kevin ran the 10k, while Chris ran the 5k. After all the Saturday races, we went to set up camp. Then my friend Sean was around and he picked me up to go watch soccer in Portland. I left Sky girl with our pack, and she was well behaved and slept under a table the entire time.
Sunday Morning: Pre-Race
I went to bed Saturday night in my running clothes. While I went to bed, I didn’t sleep a wink. I was very excited, I felt good, I didn’t want to sleep! I wanted to RUN. I tossed and turned and annoyed the dogs in the tent for a few hours and at 4:45am, I got up and got out and—miracle of miracles—I pooped. Got that out of the way! The weather was PERFECT. It was cloudy, not too breezy, and the high was set for around 60 degrees. It was a stunning transition from the day before, and a welcome one.
What to bring? Well, the Aid Stations are spread out throughout the course and there are many of them. I don’t think you went more than 2.5 miles without seeing an AS. I decided against my hydration pack and went instead with a simple 12 oz handheld bottle and a pouch to keep S-Caps, Saltstick, and Advil. I could refill as needed.
Matt stirred himself out around 5:15am, race started at 6am. We were on our way over. Once we got to the race, I dropped my backpack off with the other drop bags, ate a PopTart, and then… oh lord I pooped again! Channeling the energy of Sky, I went to the portajohn and had to kind of hustle to get into the starting chute. 6am, here we go!
Loop 1—mini loop plus the 15.5 miles. (19 miles total).
I ran the first few miles with Matt. We were still waking up, I knew he would drop me soon since he is a stronger and faster runner. I had early troubles with this race that worried me. I didn’t feel fresh. Even in the first 6 miles, my legs felt heavy and each step was an effort. I began to get inside my own head… I had only gone for one real 20 mile training run. I felt great on that run! I was running a similar trail set and managed to fly and feel good in warmer weather. Here I was struggling within the first 10 miles. How could I ever finish out 50 miles?
I tried to let those thoughts dissipate. It was early in the day. My go-to reason to not quit is not a good reason but it often works for me. I ask myself if I am injured. The answer has often been NO. I then remind myself that if I stop now, I would be bored for the next 8 hours so I might as well continue running. Like, I have nothing better to do than run 50 miles!
Well it worked a bit, because after 15 miles (yes.. after 15 miles) I finally started to feel okay and was able to crank out regular miles. The miles weren’t speedy, not nearly as fast as I had hoped for, but they were better. The terrain for the course was runnable. That’s the best way to describe it. There are carriage road trails that wind in the woods, there are mowed field trails, there are relatively no rocks or roots, and the hills are all manageable. Everything was so runnable that even in loop 1, it was tedious and boring at points. I started talking to runners around me. I met Emma from NH and then I ran into Brian—the guy I met at Ghost Train! I learned the course and eventually came through back to the start/finish.
I saw Ruby at this point (and the beloved dogs) and I panicked because I didn’t see my backpack or the drop bags on the course. I remember the RD said they were at an AS and I didn’t remember which and no volunteers at any AS really advertised that. I thought for a second that I had skipped a section and somehow cut the course. I asked Ruby if she could ask someone where the bags were and maybe try to get my bag back to the start so I knew where it was. Then I took off back into the woods for the second 15.5 mile loop.
Loop 2- Three (races) is a crowd
So the 50 miler started at 6am, the 50k at 8am, and I imagine the 25k after that. Loop 2 was a zoo for me. I was middle/back of the pack of the 50 milers, so early on I was passed by the leader of the 50k—no other than Erik. It made me happy to see him, and to see him winning. But after he passed me, lots of other fast 50k runners started passing me and that was hard to deal with. I don’t mind being passed, I know each race is different, but it felt like a long time of being passed. Furthermore, eventually the 25k runners also came flying through… and I mean flying. I saw Jenna, Mel, and Elyse running their 25k and then later Jeremy passed me on his way to finish his 2nd loop and his 50k race. One girl running the 25k said she remembered me from a TARC race, she told me I looked good, to keep moving, and it really helped. I couldn’t find her name and didn’t see her later but I hope I do one day and I hope I can return the favor for her! That’s what it’s about.
This loop was frustrating for many reasons. My knees were starting to ache and my feet were also hurting. My toes were jamming on downhills and I have never experienced that in my WT10s before so I was frustrated. I even stopped to take my shoe off and fix my sock, not that it helped. The worst is when 25k racers keep telling me I’m almost done. Their heart is in the right place, but, c’mon fuck off I’m not almost done. Ugh.
I re-evaluated my goals at this point. I was around 30 miles through and at just over 6 hours. I wasn’t on pace to finish sub-10 hrs and I didn’t foresee myself speeding up. I thought, I’d settle for a time PR, sub 10:43.
Anyway, I finished that loop, only passed by Jeremy at the end. I had mounting frustration from this part of my race, I wanted something to make it better. I saw Ruby and dogs again, saw Erik having finished his race, and I wanted my backpack to change my shirt. Somehow I put full belief that changing my shirt would make everything okay. So I saw Ruby, she not only couldn’t locate my backpack but whoever she asked didn’t really answer her question. I was devastated. I started to cry. I was mad at the race, mad at myself for trusting the race, mad at Ruby, mad at my shoes. I told Ruby to tell the race director, verbatim, to “shove an asshole up his asshole” and then I ran off crying in the woods.
Oh, was I supposed to look normal?
Loop 3- Big Dogs Gotta Eat
My pity party tears lasted maybe half a mile. I re-entered the woods and it was quiet. I couldn’t see anyone ahead. I couldn’t see anyone through the woods on the other parts of the course. I even turned around and saw no one behind me. I was ALONE. THIS was what I wanted.
I decided at this point to take some advil. I didn’t really think about how much to take, so I just took all the advil I had… 5 capsules! Is that a lot? Yeahhhhh. But not enough to be too dangerous, maybe just like the dose one would give to a small horse.
I ran alone for a mile or so and the advil kicked in and it felt good. I started to smile. I was able to easily run the flats and uphill, I had to take it easy on the downhills at this point. My IT bands were both flaring and painful, but not crippling (yet). Soon, I hear Matt yell at me from through the woods and I look up and see him. I give him a quick Usain Bolt stance and a “yeeeehaw” and told him I felt good. I think it was a pick me up for him. It was certainly one for me. Matt was ~8 miles ahead of me maybe. He was on to the last part of the race, and I buckled down and continued with the first part of my last loop.
This loop was just about getting it done. I knew the course, I knew what was going on. I just had to go. I kept with my momentum. I ran long swaths of the race. I ran the uphills, which was opposite what most runners were doing at this point in the race. I spent some periods just walking, just focusing on always moving forward and when I felt better, running again. I caught and passed a few people, stopping less and less. When I came through the start/finish part before seeing the last bit of the course, everyone was finished and cheering for me. I saw Jeremy first who informed me he got my backpack if I wanted it. I just started laughing. I had 5 more miles, I didn’t need to change my shirt anymore.
At this point, I re-evaluated my goals once again. I had 75 minutes to go 5 miles. I could make that happen for sure. As I moved, I decided that I could try to for a sub 10:30. With that new goal and the real finish line in my mind, I moved. Big dogs gotta eat.
Still unable to look normal
The final mile- Crow’s errand
I ran a good chunk of that section and came up to the “final mile” aid station and Seth, Ruby, and Jeremy were there. They said a mile to go, I was at 10:16, I was going to make it. I threw my handheld at them, and tried to just keep moving. This last mile is a grassy mowed trail through a field. I took off on the downhill and tried to keep from my knees buckling, as they nearly had a few hills earlier. I turned the first corner and then there it was. No, not the finish line, a goddamn murder crow in the middle of the trail just staring at me.
In my normal, well rested state of mind, I don’t believe in omens or signs or fate or any of that crap. BUT, after 49 miles of running, 10+ hours on my feet, and no sleep for each of the 2 nights before the race… yeah I was a little nervous. This crow, was just walking back and forth across the trail staring at me, daring me to keep going. Every consequence crossed my mind in a split second. First it was, yeah I bet I break my leg on this last ¾ mile stretch. Then, what if something worse happens??
Then, like some dumb triumphant hero, I just ran straight at the sucker while flapping my own arms, and scared it away. I actually stated out loud “not today, asshole” and kept running, laughing at myself for being a complete dramatic idiot. I finished the trail, crossed the road for the last time with the finish line 100 meters ahead. I stopped to shake the hand of the cop who kept me smiling all 6 times I crossed that road. He was a great help and motivator and a cop no less. I thanked him, looked at my watch, and ran across the finish line 1 minute later at 10:27, I suppressed my urge to HOWL, collapsed to the ground and tried not to cry tears of joy upon seeing my dog. All told, an eventful 11 minutes.
Finisher prizes include a water bottle, large cowbell, pint glass, a pair of Darn Tough socks, and Salomon head buff!
Post-Race (Black and) Blues
So yes, I’m happy I did some of what I set out to do. I finished my second 50 mile distance race. I didn’t run as well as I hoped to. I learned some lessons during the race, about myself and my style and how to fix certain problems. After the race though, I was a mess. I was hurting real bad. My knees were swollen and I had no control of bending them. My IT bands felt like stab wounds. Sleeping in the tent that night was agony, and mostly impossible. I slept some, but every movement was like a painful alarm clock and it set me awake. I was up again the following morning at 4:30am, sitting in the rain with Seth and Jeremy, talking about how we feel. It wasn’t until we got home, and after a 4 hr nap in my bed plus a 3 mile slow shuffle walk that I started to feel normal again. I was able to run a bit again 2 days post race, completing a short progression run and I’ve biked a ton pain free all week. But I am still very tired.
The Brighton Bangers Running Club had a really strong performance this weekend, starting with the Canicross. Pete finished top 10, Sky and Seth took AG award. In the 50k, Erik took 1st overall, and the team won the team award. Matt was running his first ultra, jumping straight into the 50 mile distance and he pushed to finish just under 8 hours! This was a personal longest race for so many runners and hopefully a great trail racing experience.
Saturday crowd
The sunday team!
Nutrition Recap:
- S-Cap or Saltstick every hour
- Lots of oranges
- Half water/half gatorade at every AS
- Coca Cola was glorious
- Tons of chips
- Some PB&J
- No GUs or Gels.. all real food
- 5 Advil
So, back to my musings at the beginning of this post—where am I at in my headspace? I’m not sure. I’m very tired. If someone had told me a year ago that in 9 months, I would’ve run 5 ultramarathons, including two 50 milers, I would have slapped them. That’s a ton of added stress on my legs. I like the experience, and I don’t regret any of the races (yes even Crap Rocks was worth it), but I’m looking forward to taking some time off this summer and focusing on hiking and climbing.
There is something special about wanting to quit a race so many times. I question what I am doing, why I am doing it. Aren’t I supposed to be having fun? Enjoying the race? Why wasn’t I? Maybe I need to quit running again for a bit to find out…
48 peaks 