Put it behind me, my DNF at the Cascade Crest 100

I’m not really sure what to write about this experience. I’ve tried a few times now to write up a proper blog post and fell short, much like I fell short in my race.

I’ll just say a few things.

1. Forest fires are awful. These fires impacted my course for my race with last minute changes that dramatically changes the race. Huge, huge, huge credit to the race director, Rich White, for handling this so gracefully and fluently. It speaks volumes to the organization of the race team that they were able to make this change the day before the race while keeping everyone safe and updated. Thank you for all your hard work. The fires are now, nearly 2 weeks later, raging all over the state of Washington as well as some sensitive areas in Oregon in the Columbia River Gorge. It’s believed these intense and terrible fires are manmade. It breaks my heart to see footage and hear about ash coverage in Seattle from these fires. I love the region and there are few trails as beautiful as those in the world. Please consider helping out in efforts to contain and fight the fire and prevent losing these important sections of protected wilderness.

http://www.methowconservancy.org/fire.html?fref=gc&dti=218926370297

https://gorgefriends.org/?fref=gc&dti=218926370297

https://www.gofundme.com/pnwowgivesbackor

http://koin.com/2017/09/04/eagle-creek-fire-expected-to-grow/

2. I fucked up my IT band early and I did the wrong thing to fix it. It started hurting at mile 10, the first downhill. Instead of stopping and stretching/massaging it immediately, I changed my gait for a while. This only led to hip pain. I also refused to admit this to my crew man at mile 22, so I couldn’t get real advice. I thought if I didn’t admit it, it wouldn’t be real. That is a fallacy and I should’ve known better. At mile 25, it hurt too badly to run the downs that I was being passed and I decided to take 2 Aleve. This led to me running pain free, but exacerbating my injury. When the pain meds wore off at mile 42, I had 10 awful downhill miles into the aid station where I would eventually drop. My inexperience misguided me but I think I learned a lesson.
3. Thursday before the race, I woke up with ankle pain that was unbearable. I mean, I couldn’t put weight on my ankle, hobbled down the stairs. I did nothing to this ankle. It hurt like I couldn’t walk. I went to bed Thursday evening with a suspicion it was psychosomatic. I woke up Friday morning completely healed. This race literally made me insane.
4. Something that I found funny was that at the beginning of the race, I told Jeremy that I would try to see him at the first crew spot (mile 22) in ~6 hrs. I got to him in EXACTLY 6 hrs. I can’t make it to work or class on time but when I tell a dude I’ll meet him 22 miles away in 6hrs, I nail it!
5. I was able to make some friends! I’m grateful for the opportunity to speak with other New England based (or past NH dwelling) runners who knew many of the same races and TARC family that I am getting to know. They may have even talked me into running a 50 miler in November with some of them. If there is one thing that the ultra community never fails to deliver, it’s just that. Community. (Hi Jen and Garry!)
6. I knew 1 other racer competing in this race. His name is Lindsay Hamoudi and he ended up winning the race in a spectacular fashion. He spent most of the race roughly ~30 to 60 min behind the leader. In fact, at mile 98 (out of 102), he was still in 2^nd place. He put on a clinic in pacing and nutrition and slowly narrowed the gap for the whole second half of the race. During the final 4 miles, he overtook the lead and ended up winning by 3 minutes. It’s the people like this who inspire me and make me want to be a better ultrarunner. I’m glad I got to see Lindsay in the beginning on the night, while I was struggling with IT pain at mile 43 and he was finding his cruise control, silly and sweet at mile 58. Congrats on an amazing finish, dude!

Some people keep their race medals and bibs of their triumphs. I almost never do this. I donate my medals and toss my bibs. I have only kept a few unique awards—my first 100k finish at Bigfoot, my 1^st place female award from Frigus, etc. I think I’ll keep my bib from this race. I want to remind myself that I should strive for more and maybe one day I’ll try to get this monkey off my back and finish a mountain 100 miler.

How am I feeling? Disappointed. My body failed me this time, but my mind and my motivation did not. I didn’t give up until I had to. I wanted to continue and faced my lows with courage and tempered my highs with experience. I’m not done dancing with the 100-mile devil, but I do need to relax and work on some physical therapy and strength training for my body. I’m grateful for my friends and family who supported me. Hearing from people how what I was able to accomplish is still incredible really sucks (sorry!) but I know it comes from a place of support and positivity. I wouldn’t have attempted a 100 miler if I didn’t think I could finish it. I didn’t cross the start line just to go halfway. I don’t want to appear ungrateful, but it is hard to really understand why hearing statements like “that’s so far! I could never run that” or “you should still be proud for even trying” only make me feel angry and upset at myself. I won’t try to explain it, but speaking to my ultra running friends who have had to DNF a long goal race has really helped. A DNF is not incurable. It is just part of the story.

I’ll be back, but when I’m ready.

First climb up Goat Peak

Hazy from fog and smoke. I was left breathless from this course in multiple ways.

Happy. I was very happy for a long part of this race. Even through pain, I was always exactly where I wanted to be. Coming into this AS (Mile 22) I tripped and fell, right in front of everyone. When it happened, 6 handsome trail runner men ran over to help me up. If I knew that would happen, I’d have fallen at every aid station!

At check in. Maybe I’ll be back one day to run through this as a finish line.

I am forever grateful to one of my best friends, Jeremy. He was an outstanding and selfless crew for me and seeing a friendly face during the hard times, in the night or in tough pain made a whole world of difference for me, moreso that I can describe. I hope one day I can repay the favor and crew him on a long ultra adventure!