A #Treatise On Social Media

By @tessanddog

My morning routine is pretty predictable. I wake up whenever Apollo, my 14-month-old border collie, notices the sun is rising and decides to lay across my torso. Lately this has been between 5:30 and 5:45am. For the next 15-30 minutes, I will play with him by pretending to be asleep, coaxing him to paw my face or take my hand in his mouth as he tries desperately to wake me. This is one of my favorite parts of the day, when he is most affectionate and least subtle.

When I finally make moves to physically get up, I reach for my phone and turn off my white noise app. Then, my mind-finger connection takes over and I almost immediately open a social media app, sometimes Instagram but sometimes Facebook. I don’t even read anything, but before I can consciously think about not “scrolling”, the app is open. I turn it off and get up.

The next few hours I spend with the screen off, taking Apollo and my older lab/pit/hound/supermutt mix, Sky Girl, for a run through some local woods. But while I am not tuned into the world, checking Facebook or scrolling through the news, I am snapping photos and “collecting content” to make sure that I have something to post, to show off, to say “hey look at us!” later when I sit down and “curate” a post. So even though I’m not consuming, I am still participating.

I don’t dislike this experience, but this morning I had some memories of years ago when I ran without a phone and without a “following” or a “brand” or a routine of posting a photo of my dogs in the woods. Was it a simpler time back then? Sure, but not because of social media. My morning routine is not complicated and not a burden to my life. I enjoy sharing my morning runs with people who are fans of the dogs. If someone is uninterested in seeing Sky Girl chase down a stick in a pond, or see Apollo show off his shiny coat, it is easy to avoid seeing those posts—we are in control of the content we consume, selecting the perspectives, posts, opinions, and people who we want to see.

The impact that social media, and in particular Facebook, has had on the world is staggering. Twitter boasts 321 active users, Instagram has 112.5 million, and Facebook projections suggest reaching 1.69 billion users in 2020. While many of these “active user” may be bots, there is no denying that social media is a part of our lives. There are personal accounts, non-profit causes, company accounts, sponsored ads, and influencers that navigate the space. Once you are part of a social media experience, it is increasingly harder to abandon the digital community.

Social media has its utility. This includes staying remotely connected to past acquaintances or friends or people you met once. Or following news sources and reading through national or local headlines. Maybe social media is a tool to see how people review products or places. Perhaps you are using it to communicate with a leader, politician, or company where you have some feedback. If you are looking for similar interest groups, such as female rock climbers in Boston, or professional groups, such as computer programmers transitioning into industry from academia—and other such niche identities or groups, they can be found on social media. Networking with others in positive ways produces chemical changes in the brain, such as the emission of oxytocin, occurring when we experience feelings of belonging. A simple google search will pull blogs and blogs highlighting the benefits of social media for a person or a company, so I won’t re-list those here.

There is more attention recently on the negative impacts—both personal and systemic—of social media. The Facebook machine has been under scrutiny for allowing the perpetuation of false health claims during the COVID-19 pandemic, as well as unfounded headlines during the past few political seasons. Hate groups spawn more hate, and insularity within these communities prevents new perspectives from entering the conversation in a way they would without a screen or without high editing paragraphs of opinions prior to posting. Speaking of screens, increasing social distance between people or groups communicating can increase a number of negative psychological responses—such as increasing out-group hate and dehumanizing the “person” behind the user—which often results in personal attacks and verbal slurs or insults that would not normally occur during face to face conversations, where we respect each other as fellow humans. Again, the negative impact of social media is highly researched and blogged over the internet already, so while I highlight a few impacts that come to mind, I do not want to re-list them all.

If I’m not going to present the data behind all the pros and cons, then what am I going to do? I’m using this post as a self-reflection. This morning I spent my run considering why my social media routine exists. I enjoy chronicling the joy I get (and my dogs get, hopefully) from running through the woods daily, but I don’t need to share photos and stories in order to chronical it for myself. When I run on trails, I always bring my phone with me, and therefore I have a camera. Whereas I would not have any “content” to share without taking a photo.  

Am I losing anything by doing this routine every time I run trails? Yes, I am and this is where my concerns lie. Trail running is an opportunity to experience “flow”, to be entirely immersed in the experience and physical movement happening in real time, in the now. Having the phantom of taking a photo intruding and harassing my state of mindfulness terminally detracts from achieving “flow”. While bringing my phone with me is a safety method, I think I will start taking more risk by leaving the phone at home or in the car, so I can get back to being immersed in my task and maybe start taking steps back from social media. And now, I’ll end this post with a phrase I learned from all the cool teenagers and undergrad accounts I follow on these platforms…

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Massanutten Mountain Trails 100: Far, Quickly

How do I even write this?

It’s approaching 10am on Wednesday, 5 days after I started and 4 days after I finished the Massanutten Mountain Trails 100-mile ultramarathon (affectionately referred to henceforth as MMT100). I haven’t written up a race report or a blog post in many moons, but I think this is the best way for me to process the experience for myself, so I’ll give it a whirl.

Just to recap where my body and mind has been in the past 2 years, I failed at my first 100-mile attempt at Cascade Crest in 2017. I dropped out halfway after experiencing IT band pain early and treating it with painkillers early. Of course, dropping out was the right thing to do, there was no way I would be able to finish before the cutoffs anyway and on top of that, the course that year finished with a 3,000ft descent which would’ve murdered my IT band and likely put me on the injured list for a while.

Regardless of the reasons, I am my own biggest critic. I had tried something and failed at it and I couldn’t let that go. I was not being very reasonable or giving myself a break about it—there are many external reasons why I failed that have nothing to do with strength and mental toughness. Even the strongest runners don’t have the best days and don’t always hit their goals. I know I tend to beat myself up about these things, and this was no exception.

I set my sights on regrouping, having some fun long trail days, and then feeding my appetite with another 100-mile race in 2018. I had looked at IMTUF in Idaho as my next attempt, but I didn’t even get a chance to start training for it, as pulmonary embolisms sidelined most of my 2018. I was diagnosed and hospitalized in early May 2018, but I was able to start gently running again by June 2018. I was finding myself after spending a few months just enjoying being alive—trying new things like rock climbing, stand up paddling, and mountain biking.  I started training again with a new mind, new outlook, and some new lung tissue and returned to the race scene in September 2018, rocking out PRs in the 50k and the half marathon distances and finishing a 1^st female OA in a 55 miler. Then, just for fun, I ran the Philly Marathon and finished 1^st female at a small 5k less than a week after.  Things were starting to look brighter for me, I was not only feeling healthier but I was getting fitter. I was working harder and smarter, focusing on exercises that will prevent IT band issues. I always knew I would try the 100-mile distance again, but I just needed to decide when.

When and where would I run my 100-miler?

At this point, I was looking ahead to 2019. This would be a busy year. I intended to write and defend my Ph.D., get a job, possibly move across the country. Where would I find the time to train for a 100-mile race? In terms of life planning, mid-May to early June would best fit my schedule. I start a full-time summer job commitment in July that would require a lot of time and after that, I would be in crunch time for a Ph.D. defense in the Fall. My semester didn’t end until the first week of May so anything prior to that would not work either.

So having narrowed down a time frame, I needed to decide what kind of race I wanted. I am a mountain girl, but Cascade Crest had almost taken a slice of my leg with it. Maybe a mountain race that isn’t quite as much climbing and descending as Cascade, but would I want a flat race like Ghost Train? Hell no, no Tempur-Pedic ultra for me. What about a loop course like Infinitus? No thanks, I’d rather try point to point or all new trails. San Diego? Kind of far away and expensive…

It was kind of appropriate that my mind wandered to MMT100. Many years ago, I had the pleasure of accompanying Dave down to Virginia for him to complete his first 100 miler on that course. It was my first taste of what a real ultramarathon experience was and I had no idea how much that experience would inspire me for the rest of my life. From the sidelines, watching Dave fight for everything and continue through the night back into the day really changed my perspective about possibility and mental grit. I also spent that weekend bonding with Dave’s pacer, Laura Swift, and the formidable Tom O’Reilly (Dragon). I remember holding up signs to make Dave smile—inspired by Dumb & Dumber and Step Brothers (Boats and Hoes!). I remember listening to the Dandy Warhols with Tom, discovering that he and I both appreciated the same style of music. I remember us waking up in the car, parked at the finish line, both confused beyond belief about where we were and why we were there. I remember Bill texting me to tell Dave to remember when a tick bit Lance’s testicle and died, just something to try to make him smile. Seeing Dave finish that race was something I’ll never forget.

That race was attractive to me. I had some history with it. I knew it would be a challenge. The race also has a legacy and a legend attached to it. This year would be the 25^th running of MMT100, and most of the runners toeing the start line have run it before. There were many runners who have 5+ finishes of MMT100, including a couple 10+ finishers, and one runner going for sweet number 20. This is a race that keeps bringing people back. It’s not a widely popular race and the race directors and race team don’t spend time and money widely advertising… and they don’t have to. The race is put on by the Virginia Happy Trails Running Club, one of the older trail running clubs in the country.

To enter, there is a lottery. I ended up being one of maybe 40 people who didn’t win the lottery and ended up on the waitlist. My disappointment didn’t last long. Zsuzanna Carlson (who is one of those multiple finishers, and someone I admire deeply) assured me that I would get in off the waitlist. She was correct and sometime in March, I got that email from ultrasignup asking me to confirm my entry. I was in. This email came a few weeks after I had a very successful 100k day at the inaugural TARCtic Frozen Yeti 30 hour race. Things were falling in line.

Training

I’m not going to go in depth with my training, but it took place mostly on roads. I ran a track/speed workout at least once a week. I ran a 100-mile week. I ran multiple 2-a-days and a couple 3 or 4 –a-days. I ran trails, too. I ran the Rim to Almost Rim to Rim (we were turned around 2 miles from the North Rim so it’s not quite a full r2r2r). I ran the Providence Marathon 2 weeks before MMT100, and I ran that fucker fast.

I think there are 2 aspects to my training that helped the most with MMT100. The first is running more than 1 run per day. I have been run commuting for years. It is 3.5 miles door to door of a commute. I extended these commutes to 5 or 6 miles each way. Going for a run and then going for another run is really all an ultramarathon is anyway. You run from one point to another, and then you may or may not take a small break. Then you have to keep running. This type of training helped train my body to go back out there and finish the job.

The other training that I did was not running, but strength training. I used kettlebells and resistance bands to work on strengthening my glutes, hips, and core. I was targeting areas that had given me problems in the past. I focused on exercises like planks/plank variations, bridges, fire hydrants, single leg deadlifts, and banded side steps. I did these exercises or extended stretches every day for 5 – 20 minutes. I genuinely think this type of PT and cross training is why I didn’t get hurt or injured during the race and how I am only a few days after and feeling nearly as good as new.

Okay, now to the stuff you came to read.

 

Jamison, Mel, myself, and Victor

MMT 100- the night before.

If you want to see the details of the race, please check out the website. I’ll be discussing my race in terms of aid station to aid station (or crew station to crew station) The race boasts 100.6 miles (not the 103.7 miles as it was in years past) and 18,500 ft elevation gain/ 18,500 ft descent. It started at 4:00am on Saturday, May 18 and from then, all runners had 35 hours to finish (3:00pm Sunday, May 19).

Thursday night, my crew and I left Boston for the long drive south. My crew consisted of full-time crewman and my coach Jamison, my boyfriend Victor, and my friend and training partner Mel. I was pretty confident that this group would not only be very effective at keeping me motivated and healthy but that they would all enjoy the experience and have a good weekend themselves.

On Friday, we picked up my bib and stayed for the pre-race meeting before heading off to Luray, VA for dinner and the night. Jamison and Victor went for a little run while Mel and I wandered about and stumbled into Hawksbill Brewery, where we stayed for a few drinks and V and Jamo met up with us. The brewer, David, chatted with us for a while, he was an endurance athlete himself. I highly recommend stopping by here if you find yourself in Luray, the beers were delicious and the atmosphere is lovely. After we left, we stopped at a pizza place next to the hotel where I housed an entire pie. Perfect pre-race ritual.

That night I didn’t sleep at all, nor did I expect to. The alarm was set for 3am for a 4am start and I knew that I would have nerves. I put in earplugs, but then all I could hear was my own heart beating like a goddamn congo drum, so that wasn’t pleasant and relaxing! Soon enough the alarm went off, and it was time to go.

The map and elevation profile for 2019 MMT 100 (100.6 miles)

Start to Edinburg Gap (mile 12.1)

It was 60 degrees with high humidity at the start of the race. The forecast called for possible rain during the afternoon/evening but for now, it would remain dry skies and wet breath. According to Mel, her phone weather app said “100% humidity” which sounds bananas to me, but I believe it I guess.

The race starts with uphill road miles until you turn onto the trail for the first big climb. I was trying to move fast but gently, just warming up. The trail climb was steady and then we popped out onto this ridge. It was starting to get light out, and sunrise on that ridge was stunning. The intense yellows and oranges in the sky over a large dark mountain silhouette painted the perfect picture for a rugged trail race.

The ridge section was a little annoying, as it was packed with people in a single file line and it’s very hard to pass people safely. I just tried to settle in and didn’t worry about my speed. Eventually, we started the descent into Edinburg Gap, the first crew station. I wasn’t feeling great at this point. My body wasn’t adjusted to this type of heat or humidity (and how could it? It was 45 and snowing in parts of Massachusetts last week!) and I had drunk all my water. I was definitely dehydrating and didn’t eat enough, both things that I really shouldn’t be facing so early in the race already.

When I got into Edinburg Gap, I looked awful. I felt as awful as I looked. I asked Mel if I could borrow her bladder and she got it prepped for me. I took some food and salt and then V told me that it was a 2-mile climb out of this spot. I was ready, I knew that I needed water and then things would improve.

Edinburg Gap to Elizabeth Furnace (mile 33.3)

The best lesson that experience with ultra distances has taught me is that lows never last, things “don’t always get worse”. I was only starting this race and the day, I had a long way to go and a lot of time to get there so settle in, drink water, and don’t panic.

Sure enough, leaving Edinburg Gap, I climbed for 2 miles trying to take in water while moving forward. Towards the top of the climb, a woman looking fresh and happy passed me and we shared a hello. She asked how I’m feeling and I told her I was searching for a tree. She laughed and took off while I found my tree. Ever hear that expression, “I have to use the tree.” Yeah.

After a nice big tree usage, I felt amazing. Much like my dog during a run, I was miserable and just needed to take a shit in order to feel better. We aren’t so different, Sky and I.

So after that, I started the ridge portion, rather flat with some down and I started smiling. I was stoked; I persevered through a low and now was feeling great. I caught up to the woman who had passed me and she asked if I found a tree! Her name is Cheryl and she is a multiple time finisher (and a top finisher some years) of this race and she gave me some invaluable advice. She recommended that I take all the downhills for the first 55-60 miles nice and easy and to “pretend that you’re running with your slower friend”.

I immediately said aloud, “Ruby!”

Cheryl said something like “Yeah…whoever.”

I took that advice to heart and, Cheryl if you’re out there, THANK YOU it saved my race. I started slowing down and smiling more. I was holding pretend conversations with Ruby in my head, telling her about the funny crap Mel said at the brewery, or about the cute dogs at the aid stations, about the size of the poop I just took! Ruby pretend quipped back at me and the miles started to pass and my heart was full and I gave into the task at hand, to move through it all for the next 30 hours and just surrender to it without a fight. Embrace the process.

Soon enough I was arriving at Elizabeth Furnace and I felt good. My crew looked relieved that I was back to life and feeling happy.

Elizabeth Furnace to Shawl Gap (mile 38)

Mel talked me into taking my poles for this section. It started to get hot and this section is just a quick climb and descent. My high from earlier was wearing off, which was good. Highs, like lows, don’t last forever and I couldn’t stay that excited for the entire race. It was time to go to work.

At this point, I am still taking the descents easy, but I am killing it on the climbs. I was passing multiple people on climbs and felt like I was holding back. Nonetheless, all the people I managed to pass on the climbs would fly by me on the descents. This made me a little upset, but I kept Cheryl’s advice in my head and thought about how those speedsters might drop eventually when their quads were exploding.

Shawl Gap to Habron Gap (mile 54)

This is a big section and during the hottest part of Saturday. Leaving Shawl Gap is a road section until AS Veach Gap. As it was approaching mid-afternoon and the sun was scorching, I was not enjoying sweating buckets just for existing, let alone running. I had been very good at taking salt, taking 2 salt tabs every hour or two and even was giving salt to runners I saw sitting on the trail looking worse for wear. I was doing so well with nutrition and was well ahead of cut-offs. At this point, I made another decision that also probably saved my race. I refused to run another step until the sun went down. Maybe some more experienced 100 milers will tell me this is dumb, especially with such a runnable 3-mile road section, but it was hot A F and I had all night to make moves.

Lots of people passed me at this point, mostly dudes. Actually all dudes. Where are all the ladies at?! I remember hopping along next to most of these guys already. A few had asked me if I were OK, surprised that I was walking. I said that I was fine, just not insane for running in this heat. I later learned that all but 1 of those runners dropped from the race. Not that I wanted anyone to drop, but I felt really validated in my decision making there.

The climb out of Veach was steep, but I felt great on it and nailed the climb. Then there is a really technical ridge at the top. This trail was ridiculous! You were climbing over boulders and rocks hanging onto the ledge on the side, ducking under fallen trees and climbing over others. I remember laughing at this part, of course, the race takes this trail! It was annoying, but once I recognized how funny the trail was, it felt doable. Just keep plugging away.

Eventually, we dropped to AS Indian Grave and I ate a whole hot dog, grilled cheese, and 2 popsicles. Others at that AS were unable to eat or drink water. I felt like I was in pretty good shape at that point, still able to eat solid, real foods and lucid. I took that as my cue to leave, hit the next 4 miles on the road to Habron Gap and see my crew and pick up a pacer.

Habron Gap to Camp Roosevelt (mile 63.9)

At Habron Gap, my crew (and the crew for some other runner) helped me. I spent a lot of time here getting liquids and Mel and another woman did some blister repair on my feet. Mel was ready to pace me, but I asked if Victor could take me. Another runner I met on course told me that having a crew and pacers meant there was no way I wouldn’t finish— my crew wouldn’t let me. He also told me that getting to Camp Roosevelt was all it took, and pacers will carry me home from there.

So Victor laced up and I got my newly treated feet back into shoes and grabbed a headlamp and we started. The climb out of Habron Gap is the largest of the course. I crushed it like I had been crushing all the climbs the entire day.

It was later this section that I hit another low. I wasn’t able to descend well and my feet were aching. Victor also made an honest mistake and it brought my low even lower. He told me there were 3 miles to the next AS which there was at least 5 more to go. As I heard my watch tick off miles, I wanted that AS more and more and it never came. It was a mistake but it broke me at the moment. I started feeling slow, I felt like I wasn’t moving and if I kept at that rate, there was no way I was going to finish the race. Eventually, after a very long section of 9.8 miles that felt like 20… we got to Camp Roosevelt.

Camp Roosevelt to Gap Creek 1 (mile 69.8)

At Camp Roosevelt, I sat down and immediately got cold. It was well into the night now. Mel was ready to take off with me. An Aid Station volunteer was super helpful. He told us that the next section was wet, inevitably wet. It was the muddiest part of the course and it would be good to wear new shoes and change at Gap Creek 1. With this knowledge, Mel suggested we both wear our shit pair of Topo MT2s that we both kind of dislike. I hate running trails in these shoes, but they are comfortable as all hell to wear. We both put them on and took off on a muddy climb and descent into Gap Creek 1.

The AS volunteer was right, it was so muddy. I was worried about losing my shoe in the mud sucking sections. I aced the climb and felt miserable on the descent, really par for the course for the entire race. Eventually, we arrived at Gap Creek!

Gap Creek 1 to Visitor Center (mile 78.1)

I was sitting by the fire at Gap Creek, trying to get myself motivated. Luckily, I didn’t have to try too hard as a volunteer came over and told me that I had been sitting for 15 minutes and that the fire would be there when I was back at this AS at mile 97.

I totally misinterpreted that to mean that I had 15 minutes until the cutoff and to get my ass in gear. I hopped up and said “Don’t worry, I’m leaving right now.” and then corralled my crew to help me move. They reassured me I had more time than that and another volunteer said I could take an hour nap and be well fine still… but my heart rate was up nonetheless!

A change of shoes and restock of water/food and Mel and I leave for a long chunk of mileage. During this section, we ran briefly with Kevin. Kevin was very friendly and upbeat when we met him up on Kern’s Mountain. His voice and his shirt were jogging my memory…

A few years ago I met an older gentleman at a race in southern MA who was wearing an orange MMT shirt and running in Luna Sandals. I must’ve chatted with him for no more than 3 minutes, just asking him about MMT since that isn’t a shirt or a race I hear a lot about up in the Boston area. He had run it a couple times at that point and said how great it was, how the race is well put on, and so on. I told him I had been down there years ago and congratulated him on running a hard race.  That was the extent of our conversation.

Now, here we are on Kern’s mountain, 70 miles into MMT and I see him wearing the same shirt. I asked him if he was from Massachusetts by any chance and when he said he was, I told him how I recognized him and he was very excited about that. It was great to talk with him about racing and TARC events, it helped pass some time. I asked him for advice, as I had been doing to all friendly multiple MMT finishers I met so far and he cheerfully gave me some about missing turns and moving forward. Later in the race, when the sun comes up and we see Kevin again, Mel recognizes him, too from Traprock. Small world, right?

We pass Kevin and I start to get emotional. I cried for a long time, thinking about friends and about life. It felt good to cry, I needed it and that I was fighting it for too long. I don’t know how long I actually cried for, but it felt like forever and it felt GOOD.

Eventually, I get it together and Mel and I cross the highway and end up at the Visitor’s Center. This is where I quickly cried again upon seeing Zsuzanna at the Aid Station, doing that look where she stares at you until you see her and then she smiles. I burst out into tears, just exhausted and surprised and so happy.

Visitor’s Center to Picnic Area (mile 87.9)

Prior to arrival at the Visitor’s Center, I was sad. I was slowing down and felt unsure if I would make it. Mel told me I still had tricks up my sleeve. I hadn’t taken ANY caffeine yet and so we could start that at this aid station. I also hadn’t taken any Advil or Vitamin I at this point, so I could take that too and ride both of those tricks into the finish.

At Visitor’s, I drank some coke and Mel told Jamison to get me some Advil. Of course, there’s no way for anyone to know this, but when I think “Advil”, I just think general painkiller. It does not specifically have to be Advil. In fact, I brought Aleve to the race because that always seems to do me better during races.

But, Mel said to get 3 “Advil” and the only bottle of pills in my box that was Advil brand was “Advil PM”. So Jamison grabbed 3 pills and put them in my hand. I stared at them. I recognized that they were not liquid gels or little red Ibuprofens, but I put them in my mouth and swallowed anyway.

Yeah, my crew just gave me 3 Advil PMs at mile 78 of my 100 miler.

Oh well, off I went! 2 more climbs, sunrise is soon, and I took caffeine and Advil so I could crush the last 22 miles of this thing.

The climb out of Visitor’s was another one that I crushed. The sun was starting to light up the sky above and beyond the foreboding ridge of the Massanutten Mountain. There was still a full moon creeping to the west. This was, by far, the best view of the race for me. My Advil was kicking in, I ran from the top of the climb to the AS at Bird Knob. The sun was up; Mel and I didn’t stay too long. We headed out.

I was heavily hallucinating at this point. All trees, rocks, and leaves had patterns in them, reminding me of some of the more fun drugs I used to take in college. I remember telling Mel some of the weird shapes that were emerging. I pointed to a bunch of rocks and told her “this one looks like the Liberty Bell. That rock over there is the front end of the Titanic.” She pointed to a rock and asked what I saw, to which I replied without missing a beat “A Scotch tape dispenser.” Mel, being the invaluable asset that she was, made me take 2 more salt tabs immediately.

We descended a lot on the way to Picnic Area, I felt really suddenly sleepy. I stopped to sit on a rock at one point to eat something. Every time I closed my eyes, even to blink, I was falling asleep. It just came on so strongly and so swiftly that I thought back to those pills. I asked Mel if they gave me Advil PM, to which she said “No, definitely not.” and she reminded me that I had been moving for 28 hours or whatever and that I was tired. That made sense, but I had a feeling that I was drugged.

We ran a lot of this section after I got up off the rock. If I kept my eyes open, I wouldn’t fall asleep. I chewed chocolate covered espresso beans and just kept running. I hit another small low and the climb up to Picnic Area was longer and dragged on more than I thought it would, but eventually we made it and I knew I had less than a half marathon to go.

Photo at Bird Knob AS, an hr after taking 3 Advil PMs. Can you tell?

Picnic Area to Gap Creek 2 (mile 96.8)

After a small pity party that I threw for myself at Picnic area, and a minor freakout about cut offs (which I was in no danger of missing, but was convinced that I was), Mel dragged my ass off. It took a little while to get going, but eventually we gathered some momentum and started up the final climb of the race. Mel was reminding me to eat and drink, and I listened to her as much as I could. I was getting frustrated with this final climb. One section of it was through a creek, and I was tired of trying to avoid the water. I had one final pity party, where Mel finally stopped trying to convince me that I wasn’t going to get cut off and gave into my mental struggle and told me we better hurry up then. She made me run sections I didn’t want to run, she was honest with me while also honoring me when I needed to walk a section. It was a perfect balance of getting the job done. There is a long road into Gap Creek 2 and I finally started to believe that I would finish the race.

Not until this point did I ever really know if it were going to happen. I told Mel and my crew this after the race, but I never believe in myself. Whether I am toeing the start of a 5k or a 50k, I never think I can finish it. I am just used to filling my mind with so much self-doubt. It is a flood of relief when the point in the race comes when I know I am doing it or will finish the job. Again, I know I am my own biggest critic. I think I could write an entire post about believing in yourself or rather a lack of doing so.

Arriving at Gap Creek 2, I told Mel I didn’t want to sit or stop. I would toss a fistful of food into my mouth and then run the 3.5 miles into the finish line.

Gap Creek 2 to Finish (mile 100.6)

After one giant handful of Pringles, I left Gap Creek 2 and hit the road. This final section was ~ 3 miles of rolling road and descent until a final small trail section to the finish. After 32 hours of being on my feet in the Massanutten mountain, I was ready to finish this thing. Together, Mel and I ran the entirety of this section, passing lots of other runners (including our friend Kevin) and I crossed that finish line with a near sprint.

No pain, no champagne.

I was so relieved, so tired, and so happy. I still am relieved, tired, and happy. I got my belt buckle, had champagne, and tried to eat some food. My crew came over and we celebrated before heading off to recover.

MMT 100 is a brutal, but forgiving course. The climbs and rocks are challenging, but the cutoff is generous. The mountain ridge is mysterious and venerable, the silhouette during dawn and dusk looks like a giant monster, hiding in the shadow. The climbs are tough, some steep, some technical, but they always end with a reward at the top. The heat and sun beat a lot of runners up, but I managed to escape without as much as a sunburn. During the last 50k of this race, I was miserable at points, wondering why I don’t stick to smaller, shorter distances (like only 50 miles or 50k), but there is something to be said for trying something that you have the huge potential to fail in. A hot, mountain 100 miler is certainly that type of challenge and I’m proud to have finished it.

There’s a great, fake saying that I think Al Gore guest starring on 30Rock says best that really sums up how I feel about my MMT 100 experience:

You know, there’s an old African proverb that I made up: ‘If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.’ We need to go far, quickly.”

Shh! A whale is in trouble.

Far, quickly.

Finally, something to help keep my pants up and my belt tight.

Magical Hike Up Moosilauke

December 1, 2018– Sky’s Birthday. Jeremy, Victor, and I followed her up Moosilauke. No wind, warm temps, and the most incredible undercast.

Betty, you can call me Owl’s Head (48/48)

“It always reminds me of my mom cleaning the house.”

“That’s funny. It reminds me of going to Rutgers Women’s Basketball games when I was a kid.”

Jeremy and I shared our visceral, sensory memories cruising along to the classic Paul Simon hit, “You Can Call Me Al”, on our way north on Rt. 93 in New Hampshire. Jeremy recalls how his mother would play Simon’s songs while vacuuming and dusting, spreading the fresh scent of lemon and pine sol throughout his campground childhood. For me, the song’s refrain brings me back to the stands of the Rutgers Athletic Center with my mother, listening to the pep band and shaking a red pom-pom while the Women’s Basketball team ran around the court.  The song is not a favorite, and if I’m being honest, I’m not even a fan of Paul Simon. I’m told time and time again how great he is, mostly by my father. Still, while I may skip over Me & Julio or Mrs. Robinson, I pretty much always give Call Me Al a listen through, and will tend to bob along to the horns.

Jeremy is an old friend. We met many years ago in a bar in Philadelphia, both as members of the same runnings club– The Raritan Valley Road Runners. I was just joining the club, as a new-to-running, excited half-marathoner while Jeremy was on his way out of the club, and out of the New Jersey area. Still, in the age of Facebook, we stayed connected and managed to meet again in a familiar culture in Boston, MA– at a bar after a run with a new running club. Soon, we were exploring festivals in the city, biking, and sharing beers and family style dinners together and with other club members. Where Jeremy had added the most value to my life, however, is on the trails.

Finding company to conquer the mountain trails with might come easy to some people. Others might prefer total solitude, knowing that sharing the experience would detract from it. Personally, I am stuck in the middle of wanting to share the experience and wanting to keep it selfishly for myself. Finding a trail partner who can bridge those experiences and allow for both in a single day might be the biggest treasure I’ve discovered since starting my journey to summit all 48 4000 footers in New Hampshire. It is merely a gigantic bonus that Jeremy happens to also be beloved by my dog, Sky Girl. There is no human she’d rather see than Jeremy and I daresay she might choose him over some tasty bacon if presented the dilemma of choice.

Driving north on Rt. 93 out of Massachusetts and into New Hampshire really can only mean one thing this time of year– foliage. I’m sure that Autumn is beautiful across many regions in these United States, but I’m damned positive that nothing is quite like New England. As my students would say, Fall is “lit”. As we throttle 80 mph north, looking out and see 5 different shades of orange across a single tree. While cruising north, Jeremy and I were certainly on the hunt for foliage, but we were also on a mission to climb a mountain.

Get these mutts away from me
You know I don’t find this stuff amusing anymore

One way in, one way out. Our plan was simple, straightforward, and predictable. We were heading out to climb Owl’s Head mountain, my final peak in the list of 4000 foot mountains in New Hampshire. We would take the ‘standard route’, via Lincoln Woods, Franconia Brook, Lincoln Brook, Owl’s Head Path, and the herd path bushwhack to the true summit. There, we would celebrate with a beer and a high five before about-facing and heading on out the same way we had come. This hike offered 18+ miles RT of some of the most remote parts of the White Mountains, nestled deep in the heart of the Pemigewasset Wilderness.

Owl’s Head is no Goliath. It sits at a cool 4,025 ft. high, offers no views from the summit nor even a maintained path to the summit. It sits just under it’s flanking ranges– the Twin Range and Franconia Range– almost hiding from their prowess. Owl’s Head is special for it’s quiet, humble seat– situated after 9 miles of hiking, no expansive vistas, no swag or thrills for the peak bagger. And for a mountains of such small stature, it sure is a difficult one. She is truly more David.

A man walks down the street
It’s a street in a strange world

I’ve hiked along sections of the Pemi Loop many times and always stared down into the Colosseum created by the Bonds and Franconia Ridge, which would lie vastly empty without Owl’s Head shooting up out of nothing. Like Mt. Isolation, the mountains is so much lower than it’s towering neighbors that a hiker standing on the summit of Mt. Lafayette would have to bow his or her head in respect to see the crest of Owl’s Head. This mountain eluded me, and I intended on changing that.

He is surrounded by the sound

Singletrack, take me back. Hitting # 48 was just so. After climbing the rock slide and following the foot path, it started to snow. Medium sized, wet flurries were gently falling. The snow made the summit seem even quieter, although perhaps that was just the constant wind drowning out noise. Jeremy and I each cracked open a beer, a DIPA from Lone Pine Brewery called “Tess” (can you tell why I like it?). As people came and reached the summit with us, we shared memories of other hikes, knowledges of other trails, and even another person hitting her 48th. What a remote place to have so much foot traffic.

Perhaps my favorite part of the hike was leaving the summit. I don’t really know how, but a single beer made me quite tipsy. With both the list of the 48 peaks and my inhibitions behind me, I descended the slide in leaps and bounds. My ass hit the rocks once or twice, but they were met with laughter and smiles. We met 2 other descenders on the slide, one of whom shared some of his 100 miler experiences with us. We had passed these gentlemen earlier, but they had abandoned their friend, Frank, who turned for Lincoln Woods when the water crossings got the better of him. At the bottom of the slide, we recovered ourselves and then started to run. With unspoken intentions, Sky, Jeremy, and I raced out of there, running quite bravely over some technical terrain. We were on a mission– find Frank!

Later, when we finally caught up with the elusive hiker, we both gave him an exalted “Are you Frank?? Your friends are coming!” as though we were messengers in a great important battle. Frank turned and looked mildly surprised and muttered something along the lines of “okay, great.” Clearly, he didn’t realize how important this was.

If you’ll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal.

I’m finally done. I’ve hiked all 48 of the 4000 footers, joining the ranks of probably thousands of others, and hundreds more who aren’t officially keeping track. This goal was more important to me 4 year ago when I started, and I started this blog in honor of it. I guess this means I can stop hiking, right? Nah, I’ll get Sky Girl her final 2 peaks (Waumbek & West Bond) and then maybe seek some new territory. Perhaps Paul Simon did put it best, I “don’t want to end up a cartoon in a cartoon graveyard.”

 

 

Crabby Cabot and Kill me Killington (47/48; 5/5) & The End of Alternative Summer 2018

Can you believe I’ve only made it up to the mountains 4 times this summer? I understand that 4 times may seem like a lot to the naked eye, but I assure you that it feels like a prolonged absence from the place I love each summer. I made it up to Garfield and Franconia Ridge with Victor back in June. It was hard to “hike” everything, knowing that running itself is not the danger, but falling was a big risk. To refresh your memory, I am recovering from Pulmonary Embolism diagnosis back in May, and am on a course of Xarelto for 6 months. Running is an approved and encouraged activity… but physical trauma is actually quite dangerous with a risk of internal or external bleeding. This doesn’t mean I haven’t been a little risky… but never in some place as remote as the summit of a mountain or alone.

I’ve been calling this summer the “Try New Things” tour or my “Alternative Summer”. I haven’t been training for any long ultra-marathons, and I haven’t been spending all my free time in the mountains. This has given me the freedom to explore new activities and new places right in my home city of Boston. Instead of heading north every weekend, I’ve been able to spend time locally and finding new corners of my neighborhood to enjoy. This whole year has been about making fewer excuses to try new things, and that philosophy exploded this summer.

For example, I have spent a large amount of time on the river this summer. I bought a season kayak/canoe/SUP pass and have done all 3 of those activities. I’ve even been able to take Sky Girl out on the river with me, where we were quite a hit with everyone on bridges we paddled under. I have always loved the water, not just swimming but the calm of a river or lake. Even in the hottest days of the year, setting out on a board with the pup was never out of the question. This activity was made even more enjoyable by the masses of my friends, from different circles of my life, who also enjoyed summertime on the river.

Another river activity that deserves some written real estate in this post was the great tubing adventure on the Deerfield River. I’ve sat in a lazy tube before, with a floating cooler and an incipient summer sunburn, but this tubing adventure is what I would call “active tubing”. Jeremy invited myself, Victor, Mark, and Seero out to the Berkshires (the most magical place in MA) to go tubing down the river. If you are picturing the lazy tubing, please wipe your mental canvas clean and instead picture a rushing river with class 3 rapids, where we went 4 miles in an hour. This trip was like one long slide, where you had to dodge rocks and attempt to paddle with your nearly useless hands outside the tube, while getting splashed. Storms threatened and sunglasses were lost (sorry, Mark). I had a blast, possibly the most fun single hour activity I’ve participated in.

I could go on and on about this alternative summer. There were other activities (mountain biking, visiting new parts and parks in Boston, etc.) but by August, I was ready to get back to my familiar happy place, climbing in the mountains.

Cabot is so far north. Holy crap! Jeremy and I left on one of the last days of August with the intention to drive up to Cabot, conquer that bad boy, camp out, and then hit Owl’s Head. The day did not follow as ideally as we had hoped. First, I woke up that morning with a horrible sore throat. I have been battling a sore throat on/off since coming home from San Diego and it seems like every 3 days it returns. That morning, I woke up feeling sick and questioned my ability to hike and camp. I was thinking about what would happen if I wore my body out and then got real sick again, worse than just a sore throat. After sleeping a little more, I decided I’d at least try it. So with the late start, Jeremy and I headed north, and north… and when it doubt just keep driving north…

Cabot is WAY the hell up there! After what felt like an eternity, we made it to the fish hatchery. Neither of us has hiked Cabot before, and a quick google search claimed that the gate at the hatchery closes at 4:30pm. The trailhead is a 2 mile road walk/run away from the gate… so Jeremy and I had a decision to make. After realizing that we could take our time, we left the car on the outbound side of the gate and added 4 miles to the 11 mile loop. We hiked the Cabot loop counterclockwise, heading up Unknown Pond trail first, then hitting the Horn and the Bulge and finally summiting Cabot and then heading down.

The day we chose was HOT. Not only hot but HUMID. Like, stupid humid. Like only stupid humans would venture on a day like today. And only stupid humans would bring a dog and make a dog do this hike on a humid day like that. Well, I don’t claim to be very smart…

Speaking of Sky, she did absolutely great on this 15-mile day! She showed no signs of slowing down, no signs of fatigue, and she was actually running down the road faster than Jeremy and myself at the end. Her strength surprised me, as she isn’t the young pup that she was when I first got her (she’s not old, but just not young) and her road running is very slow these days. This pleasant surprise is encouraging me to bring her on more, longer mountain days.

Anyway, Jeremy and I camped on the Kanc after this and decided to lick our wounds and go home the next day, saving Owl’s Head for another day.

Vermont High Peaks—CHECK. Over the Labor Day Weekend, Victor and I made last minute plans to head up and check out some trails. We didn’t want to stay in the Whites, and I assumed that we would be unable to since they apparently get more visitors than Yosemite per year (Jeremy’s claim!) so instead we thought about doing some trails in Vermont. That made me remember that I only had 1 more of the Vermont 4000 footers to summit, Killington, to finish the list.

Victor planned a cool 20 mile loop starting and ending at our campsite in Gifford Woods State Park. GW is a great place to camp if you are looking for a place in that area. There are plenty of amenities, it’s very clean and well maintained, and you have access to many trails from right there—including the AT and the LT.

Our loop changed slightly, based on quality of the trail, but we ended up making a large loop and out-and-back out of the Long Trail and the AT. We ended up heading up Pico, over and back to Killington, and then back down. We ran into Hannah Hawley just driving by on the road during one of 2 road crossings, which is kind of amazing. The total mileage was 19 miles and almost 5,000 ft of gain.

As fall approaches, I am looking forward to finishing my NH 48 during peak foliage. Owl’s Head is probably the most remote mountain of the list, nestled so snuggly within the heart of the Pemi Wilderness. It’s a 16-18ish mile out and back hike from Lincoln Woods (although of course you can make more mileage out of it from other locations) and I’m looking forward to using it as a big training day.

I started this blog with this list in mind, but it’s turned into a wilder journey than I could’ve predicted. I slowed down my progress so much that for a while I was wondering if I’d ever finish the list at all. I’m not done yet, so I will just keep wondering.

Franconia Ridge Sunset Preview

Blood Clots are for Old, Sick people, right?

**This is a long one with no photos–sorry!**

On May 6^th (actually, early hours May 7^th) I was diagnosed with 4 Pulmonary Embolisms and a Pulmonary Infarction. My first inclination that something was wrong with me was March 31^st. The purpose of this blog is to chronicle how I went from running really well and training very hard for the Providence Marathon in February/March to my diagnosis in May.

Why should anyone care? I wonder that myself a lot, but here’s the thing. My guess is that anyone reading this blog or even this post specifically is some kind of athlete and possibly young enough to never have thought about blood clots before.  Are you a hiker, biker, runner, triathlete, swimmer, soccer player, etc.? Great! You are not at risk to develop blood clots or pulmonary embolisms…. Yet neither am I, and here I am. My intention isn’t to make anyone worry about them…much. I just want to share some of the signs that I experienced and show how easy it is to miss a diagnosis when you are otherwise young, active, and have no risk factors.

Most of the symptoms I’ll showcase are best viewed through the lens of my running progress (or lack there of). This is an example of why tracking your training through notes, Strava or some app, or whatever your preferred method can be helpful. I have a great record of my running and how each run felt thanks to my diligence with Strava, so I can easily look back and see my training deteriorate and line it up with how long I’ve had pulmonary embolisms. It’s a perfect matching.

I’m going to start by showing you a couple of weeks of my “healthy” training, so you can compare to what happened after that. These healthy weeks are during my Providence Marathon training.

Week 1 Healthy–

• Saturday March 17- 16 mile run @ “easy” feeling pace. 9:14min/miles
• Monday March 19- 2 mile warm up, 5k @ tempo, 2 mile cool down- 7:50min/mile tempo
• Tuesday March 20- 5 mile recovery with Sky- 9:30 min/miles
• Wednesday March 21- Easy Commute, 3.5 miles, 9min/miles
• Thursday March 22- Easy 5 miles with Sky- 9:20 min/miles
• Friday March 23- Morning 6.5 miles with Sky- 9:20min/miles

Week 2 Healthy-

• Saturday March 24- 18.25 miles @ “easy” feeling pace. 9:15 min/miles
• Monday March 26- Death by 8x1000m workout (60sec rest)- Intervals @ 7:05 min/mile pace
• Tuesday March 27^– Recovery 5k with Sky- 9:25 min/miles
• Wednesday March 28- Run Commute with Ruby and Sky- 5.5 miles @ 9:30 min/mile + 3.5 miles home with Sky @ 9:19 min/miles. + Evening Bangers Club Run 3.3 miles @ 8:50 min/miles. (big day)
• Friday March 30- Easy 4 with Sky- 9:50 min/miles

Week 3 Healthy but starting to feel bad—running less

• Saturday March 31- Cut back long run week- 10 miles @ 9:30, harder to keep pace.
• Monday April 2- 2 warm up, 2 x 2 mile, 2 cool down with Ryan- 7:45 min/mile pace- last run where I felt great.
• Tuesday April 3- 3.6 miles with Sky- 10:09 min/miles

Week 4 Serious Downturn

• Saturday April 7- 16.5 mile long run @ 10:51 min/mile pace. Walked a lot. Wanted to run 20 with some progression but could not. Met Ruby @ Janji and she helped me finish to 16. Strava title: “Morning Suck”
• Monday April 9- Planned workout: 2 mile w/u, 4×1 mile @ Threshold, 2 mile cooldown. I warmed up @ 9:40s and then couldn’t break 9s for 1 mile and then gave up. 3.5 miles @ 9:20 pace. Strava title: “balls”
• Wednesday April 11- 2.33 miles @ 9:51 min/mile. Strava title: “fuuuuuuu”
• Thursday April 12- 6.5 miles with Ruby @ 9:35 min/mile pace. Very difficult.
• Spent the rest of this week hiking the fells slowly with Sky.

Week 5- Worse

• Monday April 16- .94 miles @ 10:22 min/mile. Strava title: “everything sucks”
• Tuesday April 17- 5.5 miles with some hill repeats with Ruby @ 11min/mile. Strava title: “That’s something, right?”
• Wednesday April 18- 3.3 miles w/ Sky @11:49 min/miles. Strava Title: “Morning ‘Run’ w/ Sky”
• Thursday April 19- 3.77 miles w/Sky @ 9:24 min/miles. Strava Title: “This didn’t suck as bad!”

Week 6 Confusions

• Saturday April 21- 2.5@ 11:50min/miles. “I can’t breathe” + a stunning .3 mile @ 9:30 min/miles before ditching the Bangers run.
• Sunday April 22- Skyline Loop at the Fells- 7.44 1k+ feet gain, and actually felt okay!  + Fells double.. Res Loop (6.5) miles with Jeremy and Seero, still felt good.
• Monday April 23- 3 miles @ BU @ 9:30min/mile + 3 miles at the track later @ 8:50min/mile, inspired by my friends to push it
• Tuesday April 24- Skyline loop @ the Fells with Sky, felt good 7.3 miles.  + a semi-drunk 5k to celebrate LFC beating Roma in leg 1 5-2 @ 9min/miles
• Wednesday April 25- 5k with Sky @ 9:47 min/miles (this felt like shit)
• Friday April 27- 4 morning miles with morning crew—walked and cried at the end. @ 9:45min/mile pace. Agony.

Week 7 to the hospital- Lung pretty dead

• April 28/29 backpacking trip with Heather—SO exhausting.
• Monday April 30- 2.1 miles @ 9:40 min/mile. “nope” + 3.2 later with Sky @ 10:35 min/mile.
• Tuesday May 1- Commute, 3.3 miles @ 9:46 min/mile
• Saturday May 5- 1 mile with Sky @ 9:14 min/mile (but with a 10 min break half way to talk to Zurlo), 1 mile with Buck @ 9:50min/mile
• Sunday May 6- attempted trail run.. 1.14 miles @ 18 min/mile. “Can’t run no fun”
• And then Sunday evening I finally checked myself into the ER.

What did I do during those first few bad weeks up until hospitalization? 

I first went to visit my Primary Care Physician on 4/11/18. My largest complaints were fatigue and trouble breathing while running. From there we did a number of things over the next couple of weeks. The first thing we did was to take a blood test and test for:

• Blood composition
• Vitamin/Mineral deficiencies (anemia)
• Lyme’s disease
• Mono

All of that came back negative, so without answers. I had mentioned to the nurse that I was beginning to also feel depression. My primary and nurse thought maybe this fatigue was an artifact of depression and recommended I see a psychologist and maybe take some psycho-pharmaceuticals. I pushed back hard here, and I’m glad I did. If anything, my depression was an artifact of feeling like garbage all the time. I made a stink and forced my doctor to call me to talk. She totally understood, but I’m glad I made her listen. It’s important to advocate for yourself, you know your body best.

On April 18, she put me on a steroid as well as albuterol inhaler. We also did a blood test to rule out severe allergies. I tried the inhalers to see if they would help and they did not.

On April 23, the nurse called to tell me that my allergies are all very mild and are likely not the cause of my discomfort. This seemed like a real dead end. I had no more questions and they had no more ideas. They made an appointment for me to do pulmonary testing in a few weeks (an appointment I would never make it to).

On May 1-3, I developed a really important and horrible set of symptoms. I wear a Garmin watch all day and started noticing that I was exhausted walking from the bus stop to my house or from my house to the coffee shop. These are short walks. I noticed my heart rate spike up to 150­+ on these walks. I would stop and rest. I would just ask myself “what in the fuck is going on with me”. At night, when resting (either sitting or lying down), I started getting horrific pleurisy pain in my right side and shoulder. This pain was like nothing I had ever known before. My shoulder felt tingly and tired, a strange type of pain. Massage or changing positions did nothing for it. My side pain was sharp, like a stab. It happened when I would breath in, so I consequently would stop breathing in to give myself a small reprieve… which in turn made my next breath either super short and uncomfortable or very deep and painful.

With these new symptoms I went back to my Primary Care, slightly concerned that I was having a heart attack (google for female heart attack symptoms, they are exactly what I was feeling except in my right side). She sent an order for me to have pulmonary testing done, she seemed unconcerned that I was having a heart attack but when I brought up concerns, she ordered an EKG which came back normal.

I walked away from the doctor’s office that Friday May 4^th really upset. I could not tell if my pain and heart spikes were some sort of panic attack or not. My EKG was normal and my doctor told me to come back on Monday if I were still in pain.

I sat that Friday night writhing in pain. Saturday morning I ran 2 slow miles –1 with each dog. Saturday night I went to a BBQ at Daniel’s and was just so uncomfortable sitting around the fire with friends that I left. I went home just to writhe in pain all night. Saturday I promised myself that if I felt the same pain another night, I would just go to the ER. Even getting treatment for a panic attack would be better than experiencing that again. Sunday, I tried to run and made it less than a mile only to be able to walk maybe a full mile more before succumbing to fatigue,  Sure enough, Sunday night I was in pain and my roommate Ruby came home to my crying and agony. Thankfully, she helped me take the steps I need and drove me to the ER.

In the ER, my path to diagnosis looked like this:

1. Chest X-Rays (showed nothing)
2. Ultrasound on gallbladder, where my side pain was, to check for gallstones (showed nothing)
3. EKG (irregular)—tipped the doctors off to check for d-dimer clotting enzyme in my blood
4. D-dimer—very high. Next step it to confirm clots.  **note d-dimer is a type 1 error prone test for PEs/DVTS. It can be elevated in tests as a false positive for blood clots. However, if d-dimer is normal, there are no clots.
5. Contrast Angio CT Scan—confirmed 4 pulmonary embolisms across both lungs and an infarction (dead lung section).

What now?

Since my hospitalization in oncology, I’ve been fortunate to talk with a number of talented doctors who make up my team at Beth Israel and have learned a number of things about Pulmonary Embolisms and DVT. This is some of the stuff I’ve learned about Pulmonary Embolisms generally, as well as about my specific treatment.

Estrogen Birth Control. Women, you should pay attention to this if you are on an estrogen (or perhaps even progesterone) birth control. This risk is real, but only usually a threat when there are other risk factors—such as genetics, family history, recent hospitalization, smoking, etc. Otherwise, taking an estrogen birth control generally raises your chance of clots from 0.04% to 0.18% (or 14 out of 10,000). Is it something to consider? Yes. Is it likely the cause of a blood clot when there are no other factors? Maybe not.

What did I do about birth control? My only known risk factor for blood clots was being on a Nuvaring birth control (estrogen). One of the first things I did after leaving hospital was talk to my Primary about my options. This presented the OBGs at BI a fun little dilemma. I scheduled a procedure date to switch birth controls to an IUD, but when I arrived at the hospital, the doctors could no longer decide what the best birth control method would be for me. They even had to get my hematologist on the phone for a 6 doctor discussion. The options are:

Estrogen IUD- kind of out of the picture for me since this is what I am avoiding.

Progestrone IUD (Mirena)- Mixed evidence about whether progesterone elevates risk, and even the studies that suggest it does elevate blood clot risk say it’s less elevated than estrogen.

Or a Copper IUD- no hormones at all, but can increase bleeding.

I went in for the copper but left with the Mirena. The end discussion was that I should try a copper IUD, but because I am on a lot of blood thinners for a long time, it might make me anemic. They said something to the effect of “try a copper IUD for a month and if you become anemic, come in and we’ll switch to Mirena.” I had been sitting there for 90 minutes already so I kind of said “fuck that, give me Mirena” and they did. So the estrogen problem is solved.

Drugs. I did 3 weeks of 30mg of Xarelto and then switched to 20mg. I will stay on this for 6 months, until November. Then I get to make a decision about how to treat my condition. I’ll explain why it’s a tough choice in just a minute. The blood thinners are great, I really have almost no side effects. I’m not having nose bleeds or any internal problems that I can tell. Sometimes I’m really tired and have a lot of trouble staying awake but that’s not so bad and also not so often.  I just have to be careful about falls and bleeding.

Why is my case hard? Okay, this is the more interesting part of this whole story. I’m a young, athletic person with no risk factors (other than Estrogen birth control) and no family history. I now experience an episode of Pulmonary Embolisms that can’t be tied to a specific event. In my esteemed team of doctors, my hematologist and cardiologist explained this to me the best.

There are 2 categories of DVT/PE diagnosis: provoked and unprovoked. A provoked blood clot comes with some known higher risk factor or combination of risk factors. This means family history, genetic factors (Factor V Leiden mutation), long traveling, bed rest, surgery, or hospitalization. These are easily treated, you give a course of 3 or 6 months of blood thinners and then you can easily know what to do. For genetic reasons, blood thinners for life or observation. For hospitalization/bed rest/ etc., stop blood thinners after 6 months and return to normal. For unprovoked clots, there is really no known cause likely because there are potentially hundreds of factors that are not yet discovered. Typically, unprovoked clots are treated with a small dose of thinner for the rest of life.

So my case could be treated either way—as an estrogen provoked clot or an unprovoked clot. But recall estrogen has such a small risk associated. I still could be that 0.18%, but it’s unlikely. I was tested for Factor V and it came back negative so this puts me in a pickle. Here are my options:

• Treat this like a provoked PE and stop blood thinners at 6 months.
• Treat this like an unprovoked PE and take a small dose of blood thinners forever.
• Treat this like I have no idea and take 6 months of full dose of blood thinners and then 6 months of half dose (because risk for reoccurring clots is highest in the first year) and then stop.

Things I am considering:

• I am 28 years old and the rest of my life is a long time.
• Blood thinners, even a half dose, come with a risk of bleeding. This does not sit well with my remote mountain adventuring life. (Should I fall and start bleeding internally from my spleen on Mt. Adams, I am pretty fucked.)
• A study of 500 unprovoked PE patients in Italy showed that those individuals who took a half dose of blood thinner did not have another PE in a 10 year follow up. Those who did NOT take any blood thinners after the initial 6 months had a 50% chance of another blood clot (or more) by 10 years later.

My cardiologist told me outright that my hematologist was the smartest doctor he’s ever worked with, so if I didn’t have strong opinions, I should just listen to him. I believe he wants to treat this like a provoked PE and let me go without blood thinners after November, but that 50% stat scares me. I see him again in October, so we’ll see what he says then.

Oh, and as for my dead lung—did you know that lungs regenerate??? My dead lung will scar over, break down, and then I’ll eventually pee it out over time. My healthy lung tissue will grow and expand and I will have my full capacity back eventually! How freaking cool is that?!

How am I now, after almost 2 months?

I feel great. My internal specialist in the ER told me I wouldn’t be able to run for 6 months. He was wrong and my smart hematologist told me I could run so long as I stopped if I were uncomfortable. While I had to drop from my 3 goal races this summer (The Finger Lakes 50 Miler, Vermont 100k, and IMTUF 100 Miler), I have been able to enjoy myself with other pursuits. I have been kayaking and paddleboarding with Sky out on the Charles, something I wouldn’t be doing if this hadn’t happened. I also have been running just for me, without the pressure of needing to put big training efforts in for the long distances. I’m sad that I haven’t been able to get to the mountains much, but they will always be there for me.

I’ve been starting to hit the track again. My first few runs back were so oddly satisfying but also painful. My dead lung doesn’t like it when I work hard. After a few miles or after some faster miles, I’ll get a stabbing pain in my side. It hurts, I’m not going to lie. I often buckle, sometimes I yell, but it goes away quickly when I stop. I also get tired and out of breath quickly, but I have to remember that I have half a lung missing. I think of it as altitude training.

October 13^th is a Saturday. It’s also World Thrombosis Day. Again, prior to May 5^th, I knew what blood clots were but I also knew them as something that happened to old, unhealthy people. I hope those of you that read this consider researching signs and symptoms, because worldwide, 1 in 4 people die from causes related to thrombosis.

Personally, I plan on racing on World Thrombosis Day. I was considering running a marathon, but marathons are boring. I run marathons all the time. I’m going to train for a half marathon, and I will hopefully set a personal best.

Sorry for the long post. I had a lot to say.

A Taste of Freedom: North Carolina Spring Break Road Trip

I heard tell of North Carolina being a pretty cool state but it was hard for me to really believe those rumors. That southern heat? No gnarly rocks? No snow? How cool could that place be?

…pretty friggin’ cool apparently.

Out of need to explore the world a little bit beyond the Northeast, I decided to drive down to Asheville, NC for my spring break. School friend and NC native, Kayla, was awesome enough to join me for the journey. We would shoot down to the western part of the state for a few days and then mosey on over to Raleigh/Durham area to see her family before making the long drive home.

Highlights include driving down in the BOMB, seeing Sarah in the wild, & seeing Sarah in the city.

Nothing like a large and scary wind/rain/snow/sleet storm to start spring break off! We hit the road before 10am on Friday and were windswept in traffic for a long day. There were downed trees across Connecticut, rain puddles flooding roads in New Jersey, and white out snow across highways in Pennsylvania. A+ driving weather for a champion behind the wheel, like me (sarcasm turned up to 10 there). After making our way through MA, CT, NY, NJ, PA, MD, WV, VA, TN, and part of NC during 2 days (one night in a Travelodge), Kayla, Sky girl and I arrive safely in Asheville.

We spent our time split pretty well between the mountains/trails and eating/drinking our way through downtown. We also dedicated one full afternoon to seeing the Biltmore estate. On our way out of western NC, we headed north to hike Grandfather Mountain, a mountain Kayla swears she hiked as a child but her parents deny that claim. Either way, now she’s hiked it. Then we headed through the foggiest goddamn valley I’ve ever encountered, stopped at a delightful establishment called Cook Out, and arrived by evening in Raleigh.

After a few days in the triangle portion of the state, bummin’ around the Tobacco District and checking out a few more breweries and meeting some family members and eating some enchiladas, we CRUSHED the 1 day drive home on a Friday with the potential for traffic. We listened to many podcasts, some at the recommendation of friends and family (Thanks Ashley for the strange tale of zombie killing and Dirty John, and thanks Sean for throwing us into the fantasy fiction of Monster of the Week DnD style character arcs of The Adventure Zone.)

This trip was pretty freeing. I think I will have a hard time refocusing my day-to-day back to work, not that I was heavily focused before the trip or anything.

Mountains/Trails

We went for 3 hikes in the Asheville portion of the trip and I went on 1 hike in Raleigh. 2 were a little more strenuous than the others, which were really more of a ‘dog tiring’ walk.

First, we hiked up Mt. Mitchell via the Old Mt. Mitchell trails. It’s ~12 miles round trip with over 3500 ft elevation gain. Mt. Mitchell (6683 ft) is the tallest mountain on the east coast, topping out a bit higher than my beloved Mt. Washington (6288 ft).

Mt. Mitchell is located in the Black Mountain range. It sits among other pretty tall mountains, several above 5000ft. It’s weather is nothing near as volatile or uninviting as the northeast, unsurprisingly. In fact, on the day we hiked it was warm with no wind at the summit. Many people who had driven up were in shorts. There is a large paved pavilion and viewing area, and the views are very much worth the trip. The hike was rather unexciting all told, no scrambles. The climbing was so gentle, I was surprised to see later how much elevation gain we actually collected.

The second hike we did was mostly for Sky. We had planned to see the Biltmore estate all day, so I needed to get Sky girl out for some exercise. In the morning, at the suggestion of MANY people, we checked out the Shut-In Trail just outside the city along the Blue Ridge Parkway. The Shut-In trail was awesome singletrack that climbed and dipped over the range along the French Broad River. The trail was established by George Vanderbilt to connect the Biltmore estate to his hunting lodge at the base of Mt. Pisgah. While we only walked for an hour, the trail was tantalizingly runnable with rolling climbs. I would love to get back on it!

Our third hike was on the way out of the Asheville area. We shot north on the Blue Ridge Parkway and tackled the Daniel Boone Trail and Cragway up Grandfather Mountain’s Calloway peak (5964 ft). Grandfather is the tallest mountain on the eastern range in the Blue Ridge Mountains. This hike was pretty sweet, the weather was foggy and rainy and we were completely alone on the trails. Grandfather mountain has a number of ladders during the final ascent part of the chimney up, I was wondering how my 70lb dog would handle them. She was a complete champ, throttling herself up 2 of them and finding her own way around the 3^rd. She was equally as dexterous on the way down, the sign of an experienced trail dog.

The fourth hike was in the Raleigh area. At Sarah’s recommendation, I took Sky for a hike at Umstead State Park, home to the Umstead 100 and a lot of really pretty, hilly trails. We took the Company Mill Trail around for 6ish miles. This park is so close to Raleigh and Durham and really accessible trails for being in such a suburban area.

Breweries

Man, thank god my ‘no alcohol February’ ended right before this trip. I drank a lot of really delicious beer (and some less tasty pours). My favorite stops were Burial, Wicked Weed, and Ponysaurus. I give a shout out to Bhramari for being weird, Catawba for having cool PB&J beers, Clouds for having another brewery on draft called Assclown, and Green Man for not closing on us. I’m happy to talk more about the breweries if you have any questions!

Sky Girl enjoying Ponysaurus in Durham, NC

Biltmore

I was skeptical. Kayla was really pushing for a visit to the Biltmore and I didn’t really understand why, it was just a big house. Why budget an entire day to tour a rich person’s summer home? I ended up enjoying the Biltmore WAY more than I could’ve ever predicted. The grounds are way more than just the houses, there are also gardens, and vineyard, and a farm. There are miles of trails as well as garden paths. The house tour was fascinating, and it was currently hosting an exhibit of the costumes used in the movie Titanic. If you don’t know, I have a strange obsession with all things related to the Titanic (and yes this includes the movie). The costumes were displayed throughout the house along with information about cruise liners and the upper class living from the period during the building of the Biltmore (late 1800s/early 1900s).

The entrance to the Biltmore

Some costumes from the Titanic

Richard Morris Hunt, sculptor of the Great Hall in the Met in NYC, and the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty among other treasures designed the house. Frederick Law Olmstead was the brains behind the landscape of the grounds at the Biltmore, while his other claims to landscape fame include Central Park in NYC, Golden Gate Park in SF, and (to a much lesser degree) the Emerald Necklace in Boston. Olmstead also championed for the first public parks and walkways in the country. To those readers in the Boston Area— the Frederick Law Olmstead National Historic Site is in Brookline, so if anyone wants to join me on a visit, let me know!

Some of the grounds at the Biltmore

One of the best things I learned at the Biltmore was about the establishment of the scientific study of Forestry. George Vanderbilt was integral in the formation of the National Forestry Foundation and over 85,000 acres of the estate were turned into Pisgah National Forest. In 1892, Vanderbilt hired Gifford Pinchot (future 1^st ever Chief of U.S. Forest Service) along with a German forester named Carl Schenck. Together they founded the Biltmore Cradle of Forestry, the first ever school of forestry in the U.S., a site that you can still visit within Pisgah National Forest.

The grounds at the Biltmore were well worth the visit. We spent a few hours in the house, a few in the gardens, and then we drove over to taste the wine, eat some ice cream, and see the farm! I highly recommend a visit to the Biltmore. Kayla was right.

National Forests

I want to write a book, or a blog, or create a podcast about the culture of each of the national forests on the east coast. I don’t mean a guidebook or a trail guide or a book of recreation. I want to write about the history, the current climate, the ecology, and the people that live in the surrounding small towns. I want to interview real people, people who live in the towns or study the history and geology. I want to write about the current uses of the land (since National Forests, unlike National Parks, are still used for utility).

I’m thinking a book that is in the spirit of John McPhee’s The Pine Barrons. I would love to bum around, live out of my car, camp a lot, maybe stay with some families who are interested in helping, and write about these amazing forests and parks that are the unsung heroes of ecology and experimental forests. And now that I know that Sky girl is a goddamn champ, and as one hiker claimed the “chillest dog on the mountain”, she will be an excellent companion for this endeavor.

I don’t know if this is something I could actually do, but I am semiseriously thinking about it. Maybe after I suck it up and finish my Ph. D…..

The beast of the east

Ode to the Oat

I really love oatmeal. I have it nearly every day for breakfast, with the exception of a few weekend days at the diner. When I am going to bed at night, I rest my head and smile gently, knowing that it will soon be time for oatmeal once more.

Earlier this week, my roommate asked me if I wanted the remainder of her bag of rolled oats from Trader Joe’s. I said “duh” but it made me start to wonder about the different cuts of oats and the pros and cons of each. I wondered if there were any nutritional differences that might be due to the cut and whether or not quick oats, rolled oats, or steel cut might be tastier, healthier, or a better choice for a runner! I did a little google searching for any differences between the oats. I first needed to learn what oats are and how they become food.

Oats start as part of an oat groat, these large hulled kennels from cereal grains. There are other types of groats as well (wheat, millet, barley, etc.) and they are fiber rich whole grains. They include the bran and the endosperm and are typically processed before consumption.

Then there are 3 different levels of processing with oats.

Steel-cut oats are the least processed. They are the largest cuts of whole oat groats, usually chopped into a couple of pieces. These largely unprocessed cuts take the longest to fully cook, typically 20-30 minutes on the stove top. They can also be soaked overnight to reduce cooking time or can be cooked in a slow cooker. Steel-cut oats have a texture of chewy, individual kernels.

Rolled oats (or old-fashioned oats) are created by steaming, soaking, pressing and rolling the oat groats into sheets and then cut. This processing allows for a faster cook time than steel-cut oats. They can absorb more water. These are the type of oats typically seen in baked good or oat bars. And apparently they aren’t a favorite of my roommate’s.

Quick oats are the most processed of the trilogy. They come to you already pre-cooked, rolled, pressed, chopped, and ready to be eaten (almost). They cook in about a minute or 2 in the microwave and are regularly used in place of rolled oats in many baking recipes, but they will cook faster.

Steel-cut, rolled, and quick oats

What are the nutritional differences? None, apparently. All styles of oats are a great source of fiber and protein, they will lower cholesterol and blood sugar, and they will make you poop. Read here to learn about the specific nutritional value in oats.

But Tess, oats are very bland and boring. Is there anything I can put in my oatmeal to make it taste better? Excellent question, dear reader, and yes—there are many great accessories to make your oatmeal breakfast complete. But remember, everything you add to oatmeal brings along its own nutritional content. So don’t add only high-sugar products and avoid refined sugars if possible.

Got a pen? Here are all things that will make oatmeal great again (#MOGA):

• Peanut Butter (protein)
• Fruits, such as apples, bananas, peaches, and berries (natural sugar)
• Seeds, such as chia seeds, flax seeds, pumpkin seeds (omega-3s)
• Spices, such as cinnamon and nutmeg (add that flavor)
• Sweeten the deal, add honey or maple syrup (but not too much)
• Fruit jams/preserves
• Yogurt, add whole milk or soy milk dairy

**things I have put in oatmeal before but are definitively not healthy**:

• Chocolate chips or Hershey kisses
• Sprinkles
• Chocolate syrup

Fun facts about oats (this sections is important).

Now I want you to go grab a bowl of oatmeal and eat up while I share with you some mildly interesting facts about oats.  Did you know that in parts of the UK, oats are called “corn”? “Corn” is actually the term that is used to refer to a country’s major staple crop. In the US, we call it “corn” but other grains in different countries have the name also.

Another fun fact is that you can take a bath with oats and get really beautiful. If you add a cup of finely ground oatmeal to your bathwater, you can treat inflamed skin conditions such as eczema, chicken pox, rashes, and sunburns. Wow!

Fun Fact # 3: there is a town in the US that celebrates this wonderful food. Yes, that’s correct, there is an Oatmeal Festival in Bertram, Texas. It seems like maybe the town of Oatmeal, Texas (not far from Austin) would be a better venue.

Runners line up at the 2014 Run For Your Oats 3.3 mile race at the Oatmeal Festival

A final fun fact about oatmeal is that it inspired a popular skincare brand, one that you might even have in your bathroom right now. Aveeno products are named after a species called Avena Sativa… also known as the oat!

In summation, oats are pretty great. In fact, they might be the greatest of all time. Oat is GOAT.

Quick and dirty Book Review: Nancy Clark’s Sports Nutrition Guidebook- 5th Ed. By Nancy Clark, MS, RD, badass.

People in the ultra world tend to be ultra in their non-running world as well. One particularly polarizing topic is that of ultra nutrition. It seems that there are 2 camps of thought in the ultra runner diet, and both are ‘ultra’ and extreme. For example, some people have no problem limiting their diet to a vegan menu and completing extremely impressive ultra runs—such as setting the FKT on the Appalachian Trail. Other people have no problem eating like a human dumpster, pouring candy and beer down their throats and completing extremely impressive ultra runs—also such as setting the FKT on the Appalachian Trail. (FYI both of these records have been broken by another runner this past summer, whose diet is less publicized but I know it involved lots of pizzas.)

I found myself to be in the latter camp of dieters. I eat what I feel like eating before, during, and after a race… pretty much all the time. Chug a pint and then run? Yes. Taco bar mid race? Fuck yes. Gummy bears? Bacon? Oreos? Yes, yes, yes! I never really thought too much about calories, other than I need them regularly and I need them to stay down nicely. I usually ate whatever looked the most appealing to me at any given point in a race and I admit that I’ve been doing just fine for the most part. I don’t bonk, I keep my mind about salt levels and hydration and just try to get carbs and sugars in me.

So then what prompted me to buy and read this book by Nancy Clark on sports nutrition? That’s pretty simple. Races are fun and I like running them, however, training was a real suck. My legs never felt fresh enough on training runs, even after adding more rest days into my routine. I felt fatigued often and early and my motivation was foundering. I bought this book for general insight, as I had a suspicion that my nutrition or iron levels might be adding to this training issue. I wanted to learn about optimizing my diet, but I ended up learning a whole lot more.

First, a little about Nancy Clark. A quick read through her bio on her website tells me that she is located just next door to me right now, so that’s amazing. Her office is in Newton Highlands, MA where I’ve run through a bajillion times. She’s helped many players on the Celtics and Bruins manage their nutritional needs, as well as countless others with her book, which has sold over 600,000 copies (!!!!) and while she helps many athletes be the true badasses that they want to be, Clark is herself a total badass! Taken from her page:

Sports and nutrition are personal as well as professional interests. A member of The Greater Boston Track Club, Clark has competed at the 10 Kilometer, half marathon, and marathon distances. Clark routinely bike commutes and enjoys bike touring. She has led many extended bike tours, including a Transamerica Trip and other tours through the Canadian and Colorado Rockies. She has trekked into the Himalayas and planned the high altitude menu for a successful expedition. She has personal experience with rowing (crew), yoga and HIIT.

Her advice has been quoted on a Wheaties box. I mean, c’mon!

So basically, I love her.

This book has a great style. It’s not a textbook, it’s not a memoir. It’s just useful.   

1. Nancy is a realist. She writes about practical solutions to people who are not going to have time to only think about their diet throughout the day. She gives ideas for when to have types of foods that taste good but aren’t good for you, tips on how to have meals with a busy schedule, and advice for busy athletes who might skip meals to binge later. Nancy knows that we aren’t going to count out all our micros every day and that some days we might not eat ideally and she lets us know that it’s fine. We aren’t doing our bodies damage for enjoying a meal out. She also lists ways to cohesively tackle nutrition throughout the day so that one meal is not more important than another.
2. Nancy writes in ideas for specialty diets as well. She has plans for vegetarians, vegans, calorie restricted weight loss, gluten-free, etc.!
3. She also uses stories of athletes who are often very relatable to nail home points. She’ll talk about John who was a medium distance runner who never has time to eat before his workout. Or Renee, a college student swimmer who doesn’t have time to eat lunch so she binges at dinner. These characters make the book easy to digest… no pun intended!
4. Nancy knows her science. The book has studies cited throughout it to break apart common myths and misconceptions about nutrition. Nancy lays down the scientific evidence (or lack thereof) to support or refute many claims. Anyone who knows me knows I love some good scientific evidence behind all claims related to anything, but especially related to health.

I’m not going to give away everything that I learned from this book, but here are some snippets of useful or interesting facts and topics:

1. During your pre-event carbo load, you should gain about 2 to 4 lbs of water weight. When carbs are processed to return glycogen stores to the muscles, they need to absorb water to do so. Your carbo loading week should be accompanied by tons of water.
2. Caffeine prohibits the uptake of iron. So if you have a coffee or tea with your burger, you are not getting any iron. Have the coffee or tea +/- 1 hr from the time you eat your burger!
3. What is causing your muscle cramps? Science doesn’t really know yet, but it’s likely salt and water deficits. But it could be calcium, magnesium, or potassium.
4. Are sports drinks like Gatorade and Powerade good or bad? Her answer is “yes”. There are times and places for those types of drinks and they aren’t always good and they aren’t always bad.
5. To rehydrate after exercise, continue to drink light to moderate amounts of water spread out over at least a couple of hours if not the rest of the day to best replenish. Large water doses usually just end up as urine and are not taken into the muscles and will instead trick you into thinking you are hydrated when you are not.
6. Protein is not the ‘be all, end all’ of building muscles. Carbohydrates are still the most important fuel for ANY athletic event or training program. Protein in modest amounts consumed as a recovery meal will help restore muscles, but excess protein can cause problems. An endurance athlete should aim for 0.6 g/lb of body weight of protein intake per day. (Nancy has these estimates scattered throughout the book for various other types of fuel or vitamins and nutrients.)
7. Eat a big breakfast, lunch, snack(s), and then a smaller dinner. Go to sleep full but not stuffed. You want to wake up hungry. This is the best way to maintain your weight with a regular diet. Also, eating some foods before sleep will mess with other important processes the body is doing during sleep.

 

This book has been such an excellent, useful, easy to read resource that I couldn’t help but write something about it here. So many of my friends are concerned about training needs, performance, and diet that I think this book is really worth reading. My diet has changed since starting this book last year—I mostly try to eat each meal with multiple food groups and multiple types of sugars and carbohydrates with moderate amounts of protein, from multiple sources. I also have to admit that I’ve started to feel more energized regularly and recover faster from longer runs or hard workouts. I don’t know if I can credit the diet only—I also have been stretching more—but the diet certainly helps.

Amazon Link

If anyone has this book, what are your thoughts on it?

And if anyone reads this book—please share what you think was useful! I’d love to talk about nutrition strategy!